I find men aren't open about it as much, in my case, when I was a bit younger, I used to think it was a weakness to talk about it, that I was less of a man for doing so, and I bet lots of fellas feel like that...
These days, while I like to remain private about some things, I am a lot more open, if I put it out there, I can learn from other people who are in the same boat as me, and I like to think people would take notice of what I say
I have been there, seen it, been in the depths of hell and at deaths door and had to fight for my life, 30 more minutes back in '98 and I could have become nothing more than a tragic memory, Paramedics and Doctors raced against the clock to save my life, without going too much into my background, I was in care at the time, I took some pills I found at my mams, collapsed, took to Sunderland Royal, where I had a massive seizure, add to the fact I was fighting with the medical staff and it took a load of security, police and doctors to keep me pinned as the decision to put me in a medically induced coma was the only way to calm me down, the doctor was that concerned he did not know how to treat and he apparantly had to phone up a top paediatrician at G.O.S.H as apparantly they had not encountered an adolescent who was fitting and fighting so violently before, I ended up in ICU for a day or two, scary shit, I came close to getting my wish at the time, and I am adamant to this day it was divine intervention, and it has led me on a path to christianity, to the point where I became a born-again christian 6 months ago.
I can deal with it now, but it has affected my life massively, I always wanted to be a dad, but I would not let myself get close to girls to even have a go at what it takes to become a daddy, lol, because I was always scared that 1. My kids would turn out like me and 2. I am scared I will turn into my own birth dad, who is a fucking arsehole btw, excuse the language...
But with the bad, comes the good, while I have no confidence or self esteem, I had some great times as a teenager, got involved with a youth group for kids in care and through that I have been to Rep. Ireland 3 times, been all over the country to seminars and Conferences(Liverpool, York, Chester, London, Manchester, Hull, Bridlington, Sheffield) got involved in an international exchange with a group of Irish lads and an Russian ex-pat group from Germany, I also give speeches, delivered presentations, helped run workshops at the conferences, been up on stage at Stanley for its panto one year in front of a sellout, the home where I lived, whenever we had special guests i.e councillors, foreign delegations and even one government minister, I was always the one to give a guided tour of my home
...As for the youth group, a management committee was formed in 1999, in 2000 I became the youngest member of the committee at 18 and in 2006 I became the youngest officer on the committee being elected vice chair at the age of 24, a position I held unopposed for 4 years when we lost our funding in 2010...So yeah, with the bad, there is some good, I am living proof of that, I got a good education, I studied at the Kindergarten of getting the shit kicked out of me, the school of hard knocks and still studying at the Uni of Life...correct me if Im wrong, was it Blackadder that said that lol...
So why am I happy to bring this up so publically, well, I would like to think that if someone here was having trouble, feeling down or whatever then they could say 'look at David, if he can pull through, so can I'
I may have to ressurect the idea for Blozzs Fog if people find me interesting enough, the name came about when I tried to tell my mams mate about it, I was pissed as a fart and could not get my tongue round the words Fozzs Blog, so the idea has been Blozzs Fog ever since...
#essayover
