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+--- Thread: Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste* (/showthread.php?tid=787)
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MurdnunoC - 26 Mar 2015
I think I hate myself for sharing jokes like the ones I've just posted.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - LeeCalder - 26 Mar 2015
I heard this at the Gateshead v Macclesfield match -
Fan - That black man has just kicked Baxter
Steward - Excuse me sir can you stop using racially abusive language
Fan - I'm not being racist... Im colourblind ?
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - S813 FVK - 26 Mar 2015
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Davie - 26 Mar 2015
A man is doing impressions here are some
A Dog Woof woof
A cat meow
A Cow is that car taxed?
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - S813 FVK - 26 Mar 2015
Sorry but here is another one:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Davie - 27 Mar 2015
What's things go together the worst? Newcastle United and their best players
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - S813 FVK - 27 Mar 2015
Found the darkest but most perfect insult...
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 27 Mar 2015
Kay Burley has a face like a campaign poster for neglected donkeys.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 27 Mar 2015
I hate watching the Paralympics. I can't throw a discus, and I have arms!
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 27 Mar 2015
One of the sluts in my tutor is the school bike. Everyone has had a ride on her!!
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Jimmi - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 6:58 pm)MarcTheA4 I hate watching the Paralympics. I can't throw a discus, and I have arms!I often had to represent my school in discus because the ones who were actually good at it did races instead. Discus was one of many sports I was rubbish at, wasn't a bad runner when I was in year 10/11 mind.
Damn didn't realise this was the jokes thread!
I am a joke does that count!
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - omnicity4659 - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:06 pm)Jimmi I often had to represent my school in discus because the ones who were actually good at it did races instead. Discus was one of many sports I was rubbish at, wasn't a bad runner when I was in year 10/11 mind.
Damn didn't realise this was the jokes thread!
I am a joke does that count!
NO!!
I don't believe it.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Dan - 27 Mar 2015
Tommy's signature is a joke...
"Sunderland images upload postponed due to technical difficulties. I know that is a sad excuse."
Sounds like something the Tyne & Wear Metro Social Media bod would spout out when there's delays to service!
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - omnicity4659 - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:19 pm)Dan Tommy's signature is a joke...
"Sunderland images upload postponed due to technical difficulties. I know that is a sad excuse."
Sounds like something the Tyne & Wear Metro Social Media bod would spout out when there's delays to service!
![[Image: KEN_LAPTOP_0.jpg]](http://www.nexus.org.uk/sites/default/files/KEN_LAPTOP_0.jpg)
Sunderland images upload postponed due to technical difficulties. I know that is a sad excuse.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 27 Mar 2015
Line that you'd never hear in a James Bond film...
''My name is Bond. Mohammed Bond.''
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:35 pm)MarcTheA4 Line that you'd never hear in a James Bond film...Have you been watching Mock The Week
''My name is Bond. Mohammed Bond.''
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:42 pm)MrFozz Have you been watching Mock The Week
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 27 Mar 2015
Line you will never hear from a football commentator...
And there goes Wayne Rooney, Captain of England, on his way to pick up the World Cup
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - omnicity4659 - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:35 pm)MarcTheA4 Line that you'd never hear in a James Bond film...
''My name is Bond. Mohammed Bond.''
I once went to Sharm-el-Shiekh (Ashington is worse
), and almost every member of staff except the First Choice staff were called Mohammed.I also gained the ****s when all I would eat would be spaghetti bolognese and ice cream.
Quite a random story that.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 27 Mar 2015
(27 Mar 2015, 7:45 pm)Tommy_1581 I once went to Sharm-el-Shiekh (Ashington is worseAt the risk of humiliating myself and seeing my street cred plummet to zero...
I also gained the ****s when all I would eat would be spaghetti bolognese and ice cream.
Quite a random story that.
I got the Trots really bad in Las Americas, Tenerife, I was on the hotel computer when I felt a godforesaken rumble in my guts, the toilets nearby were knackered, I run up to about the 10th floor, banging on the room to get in, my mam took her time letting me in, in the process of it all, I pumped and followed through a little bit...When I finally reached the shitter, it was like this
![[Image: 110.jpg]](https://goobeauty.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/110.jpg)
Oh the shame...My mam and sis still love telling the story to this day