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+--- Thread: Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste* (/showthread.php?tid=787)
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Davie - 03 Apr 2015
Why is Joe Hart a goalkeeper? He's head and shoulders above everybody
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - LeeCalder - 04 Apr 2015
#Where'sTheTumbleweed
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - R852 PRG - 04 Apr 2015
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my late Uncle George. Not yelling and screaming like the others in the car.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - omnicity4659 - 06 Apr 2015
"Metro Safety Announcement"
![[Image: tn_gb-tyneandwearmetro-door-safety-video.jpg]](http://www.railwaygazette.com/uploads/pics/tn_gb-tyneandwearmetro-door-safety-video.jpg)
"and results in some pensioner who somehow hasn't got on the Metro whacking you on the head with her bag"
"Thank you for keeping Metro safe"
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 07 Apr 2015
"You know Dave?" The barman asked me. "The ex-army guy?"
"Yeah. What about him?"
"He took a loaded gun into the local Mosque last night."
"Shit," I said. "Did he kill anyone?"
"No. He was overpowered before he could get a single shot off."
"By the police?"
"Nope. The smell."
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 07 Apr 2015
Has anyone seen that new Asian Show on Channel 4...
One born every 2 seconds
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Malarkey - 07 Apr 2015
What do you call a persons cheese, thats not your cheese?
Nacho Cheese
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Malarkey - 01 May 2015
Pest Control Prank - https://www.facebook.com/joshua.airey.5/videos/10204491834157921/
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - S813 FVK - 02 May 2015
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because he wasn't a chicken.
Q: Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
A: It kept saying, "Bach, Bach, Bach"
Q: How did disco die?
A: In the disco inferno.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Davie - 06 May 2015
Why do Newcastle wear a black & white strip? Because Black & white cameras were first invented when they were a good team
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 06 May 2015
Two bits of puke were walking down the road one bit of sick started crying as they approached an alley so his mate asked 'What's wrong with you' the other said 'I was brought up round here'
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 06 May 2015
There were 3 guys that wanted to marry the same girl so they all had a 24hr contest to see who could bring back the most ping pong balls. the first guy came back in the first hour with 1 truck load. the second came back with 2 truck loads. The 3rd guy did not come back until the 23rd hour, and when he did he was bloody and only had one sac of ping pong balls. So they asked him why are you all bloody and why did it take you so long to get 1 sac of ping pong balls? He replied PING PONG BALLS?! But I thought you said KING KONG'S BALLS?!
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 06 May 2015
Bloke said to his mate 'Do you want to know the perfect match' 'yes' said his mate, the bloke replied 'My Arse...Your Face'
'Bloke said to his mate 'There's a match in your hair' mate said 'Really' the guy said 'Yes...Nits are 2-0 up'
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - northern156 - 06 May 2015
I got one of those Dyson Ball cleaners for Christmas last year, unfortunately for me I misunderstood what it actually does which is why I spent 2 weeks in A&E.
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Davie - 15 May 2015
How will John Caver get his next 3 points this season? Get caught speeding
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Andreos1 - 16 May 2015
Here's a blue one for the Dads.
Just popped to Superdrug to buy some KY Jelly.
Unfortunately they had none left, but the assistant responded with: 'Why don't you try Boots?'
I stormed out, unable to understand her logic. I want to slide in, not march in!
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 16 May 2015
I've had my GF for 2 years now (practically lives with me) - small white, petite thang, cooks for me, always been good to me.
I go away on vacation for a week, come back and something just doesn't seem right . I asked my Father if he had seen anything happen with my GF and he acts clueless.
So fast forward to 3 weeks later... I'm coming home from work when bam! clear as day, right in my Kitchen, I catch my Father red handed with his meat in my GF.
I was PISSED, told him to get his meat out of GF and GTFO, needless to say my GF got turned off. I just couldn't get over it and that night kicked my GF to the curb.
Now it's been 2 weeks since the incident and that I've been without my GF and about 10 minutes ago my Father had the audacity to ask me how my GF has been. - when he's the damn reason we ain't together no more.
Should I start swingin' on him
or
Pack my stuff and be on my way?
Here's a picture of my GF
![[Image: 56ea71738306ed4a12d6508c7431b8f3.jpg]](http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/05/16/56ea71738306ed4a12d6508c7431b8f3.jpg)
Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - MrFozz - 16 May 2015
Butcher: I had to sack my assistant the other week...He was sticking his dick in the bacon slicer
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - Malarkey - 17 May 2015
How many tickles does it take to make a Squid laugh.
Tentickles
RE: Jokes *may contain bad language, sexism, mild racism, bad jokes and bad taste* - S813 FVK - 17 May 2015
That dreadful pupil from Leicester
There was a young pupil from Leicester
Who would go to her teachers and Peicester
She would lock them indoors
Glue their feet to the floors
Till they finally came to arreicester
Ounce Poem
A girl who weighed many an oz
Used language i dare not pronoz
For a fellow unkind
Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see if she'd boz