Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*
Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*
I was working in Tesco, re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7, when in walks the girl I shagged the night before!
She said "oi you told me you was a stunt pilot .... You lying bastard!".
I replied "no I told you I was part of the Ariel display team!"
Just been sent this off a mate.
I was working in Tesco, re-arranging boxes of soap powder in aisle 7, when in walks the girl I shagged the night before!
She said "oi you told me you was a stunt pilot .... You lying bastard!".
I replied "no I told you I was part of the Ariel display team!"
After the shocking revelations relating to match fixing, rumours that Sunderland players have been bribed after loosing most of their games and scoring umpteen own goals have been dismissed.
A source close to the FA admit it is because they're just shit
After the shocking revelations relating to match fixing, rumours that Sunderland players have been bribed after loosing most of their games and scoring umpteen own goals have been dismissed.
A source close to the FA admit it is because they're just shit
(09 Dec 2013, 5:56 pm)andreos1 After the shocking revelations relating to match fixing, rumours that Sunderland players have been bribed after loosing most of their games and scoring umpteen own goals have been dismissed.
A source close to the FA admit it is because they're just shit
Apparently Gus Poyet assembled the Sunderland squad, so they could visit an
orphanage somewhere in Hendon today.
"It was really sad to see their little faces, etched with worry and with no hope for the future", said Shania aged 6
Warning...
My jokes can be quite offensive...
IF EASILY OFFENDED
FUCK OFF
Nelson Mandela went from prison to politics...
Not like this country then
Michael Barrymore was recently asked for his reaction on Tom Daley coming, he said, "finally someone who takes it up the arse and can swim"
Not a joke as such, but very funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIY4TwgMe1I&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Kind of daft, but.....
Why do cows have bells? - because their horns don't work!
Daft ones are normally funny...A couple of daft ones
Where's Hadrians Wall?
Around Hadrians House
What's Nitrate?
Time and a half
Where's the Andes?
End of your Armees
How do you make a door laugh
Tickle it's knob
How do you make a snooker table laugh?
Tickle it's balls
I went to the doctor last week he said "Mr Forster I have good news and bad news..."The bad news is you have cancer" I asked "What's the good news then", the doc said "You'll save a few quid on haircuts.
An eighty year old man said to the doctor, I am not enjoying sex as much as I used to. The doctor said “When did you first notice this”? The old man said twice last night and once this morning
This one makes me laugh....
A couple are resetting a password on their computer. The husband types in 'mypenis', and the wife rolls around on the floor because it says 'Error - not long enough'
Couldn't stop laughing with this one, a bit sexual again:
The teacher asks John, 'John, why is your cat at school today'. John replies, crying, 'My dad told my mam he was going to destroy that pussy once I left for school today'
Blonde: What does IDK stand for?
Brunette: 'I don't know'
Blonde: OMG! Nobody does!
Wife: I look fat, can you give me a compliment?
Husband: You have perfect eyesight!
A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for his family. He and his wife agree not to tell their kids; when they do ask, the wife says it's what she sometimes calls their father. The daughter suddenly stands up and screams 'Don't eat it - it's an asshole!'
I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:
Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747
Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.
What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.
What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.
I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.
(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:
Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747
Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.
What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.
What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.
I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.
(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:
Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747
Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.
What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.
What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.
I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.