Menu
 
North East Buses The Canteen General off-topic chat Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*

Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*

Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*

 
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
 
Pages (13): Previous 1 2 313 Next
Adam



717
06 Jul 2014, 7:57 pm #21
(06 Jul 2014, 7:52 pm)Dan And judging by this post alone, I am not surprised!

Told you so. I've got more Tongue
Adam
06 Jul 2014, 7:57 pm #21

(06 Jul 2014, 7:52 pm)Dan And judging by this post alone, I am not surprised!

Told you so. I've got more Tongue

06 Jul 2014, 8:14 pm #22
(06 Jul 2014, 7:05 pm)marxistafozzski Horse walks into a bar, the barman says "We have a whisky named after you", the horse said "What...Dobbin"

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says 'why the long face?'
R852 PRG
06 Jul 2014, 8:14 pm #22

(06 Jul 2014, 7:05 pm)marxistafozzski Horse walks into a bar, the barman says "We have a whisky named after you", the horse said "What...Dobbin"

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says 'why the long face?'

06 Jul 2014, 8:28 pm #23
A lad goes out on the town one night and meets this lass and has his wicked way with her , 2 weeks later she sees him stacking the washing powder shelves in a supermarket, she goes up to him and yells "you told me last week you were a stunt pilot" he replied no I did not I said I was a member of an Ariel display team
Coppercap40
06 Jul 2014, 8:28 pm #23

A lad goes out on the town one night and meets this lass and has his wicked way with her , 2 weeks later she sees him stacking the washing powder shelves in a supermarket, she goes up to him and yells "you told me last week you were a stunt pilot" he replied no I did not I said I was a member of an Ariel display team

Adrian



9,566
06 Jul 2014, 10:16 pm #24
(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:

Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747

Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.

What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.

What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.

I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.

[Image: Tumbleweed.gif]

Tongue

Forum Moderator | Find NEB on facebook
Adrian
06 Jul 2014, 10:16 pm #24

(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:

Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747

Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.

What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.

What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.

I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.

[Image: Tumbleweed.gif]

Tongue


Forum Moderator | Find NEB on facebook

Adam



717
06 Jul 2014, 10:47 pm #25
(06 Jul 2014, 10:16 pm)aureolin [Image: Tumbleweed.gif]

Tongue

I'll hang my head in shame
Adam
06 Jul 2014, 10:47 pm #25

(06 Jul 2014, 10:16 pm)aureolin [Image: Tumbleweed.gif]

Tongue

I'll hang my head in shame

Adrian



9,566
06 Jul 2014, 10:49 pm #26
(06 Jul 2014, 10:47 pm)Adam I'll hang my head in shame

I've heard worse. Big Grin

Forum Moderator | Find NEB on facebook
Adrian
06 Jul 2014, 10:49 pm #26

(06 Jul 2014, 10:47 pm)Adam I'll hang my head in shame

I've heard worse. Big Grin


Forum Moderator | Find NEB on facebook

Adam



717
06 Jul 2014, 10:55 pm #27
(06 Jul 2014, 10:49 pm)aureolin I've heard worse. Big Grin

Well that's alright then
Adam
06 Jul 2014, 10:55 pm #27

(06 Jul 2014, 10:49 pm)aureolin I've heard worse. Big Grin

Well that's alright then

Andreos1



14,155
07 Jul 2014, 7:08 am #28
Scientists have discovered the reason eating too much pizza causes people to fall over and knock into others.

It is called the Dominos effect!

'Illegitimis non carborundum'
Andreos1
07 Jul 2014, 7:08 am #28

Scientists have discovered the reason eating too much pizza causes people to fall over and knock into others.

It is called the Dominos effect!


'Illegitimis non carborundum'

MurdnunoC



3,965
07 Jul 2014, 8:07 am #29
What's pink and hard?

-A pig with a flick-knife.
MurdnunoC
07 Jul 2014, 8:07 am #29

What's pink and hard?

-A pig with a flick-knife.

MrFozz

Marxista Fozzski

5,562
10 Aug 2014, 4:03 pm #30
What's brown and sticky?
A stick

Definition of Pain
Sliding down a 50' razor blade using your balls as brakes and landing in Iodine

Definition of Cheeky
Smashing someone's window, then go ask for your rock back

Definition of Posh
Walking into a pharmacy and asking for a pack of Rubber Jonathans

I love this one from Russell Howard...
Edited 10 Aug 2014, 4:12 pm by MrFozz.
MrFozz
10 Aug 2014, 4:03 pm #30

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

Definition of Pain
Sliding down a 50' razor blade using your balls as brakes and landing in Iodine

Definition of Cheeky
Smashing someone's window, then go ask for your rock back

Definition of Posh
Walking into a pharmacy and asking for a pack of Rubber Jonathans

I love this one from Russell Howard...

MrFozz

Marxista Fozzski

5,562
10 Aug 2014, 4:12 pm #31
Also howl at Michael Macintyre and his walking the bus route joke when it was cancelled due to snow Big Grin
MrFozz
10 Aug 2014, 4:12 pm #31

Also howl at Michael Macintyre and his walking the bus route joke when it was cancelled due to snow Big Grin

Andreos1



14,155
21 Sep 2014, 7:24 pm #32
Seeing Bernard Ingham's eyebrows and Bernard Manning earlier on in AdamY's BrassEye video got me thinking - so, seeing as it is Sunday:

I think I got mixed up between the Pizza Hut and Grindr apps earlier on. Either way, there is a 10" vegetarian on its way!







Last week I ordered a thin and crusty supreme - wasn't happy when Diana Ross knocked at the door!




Did you hear about the ice cream man, who was found dead on the floor of his van the other day? He was covered in chopped nuts, flake's, wafers, monkeys blood and chocolate sauce.
Police believe he topped himself!

'Illegitimis non carborundum'
Andreos1
21 Sep 2014, 7:24 pm #32

Seeing Bernard Ingham's eyebrows and Bernard Manning earlier on in AdamY's BrassEye video got me thinking - so, seeing as it is Sunday:

I think I got mixed up between the Pizza Hut and Grindr apps earlier on. Either way, there is a 10" vegetarian on its way!







Last week I ordered a thin and crusty supreme - wasn't happy when Diana Ross knocked at the door!




Did you hear about the ice cream man, who was found dead on the floor of his van the other day? He was covered in chopped nuts, flake's, wafers, monkeys blood and chocolate sauce.
Police believe he topped himself!


'Illegitimis non carborundum'

Andreos1



14,155
07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am #33
Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.

There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.

Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/
Edited 07 Oct 2014, 12:56 pm by Andreos1.

'Illegitimis non carborundum'
Andreos1
07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am #33

Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.

There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.

Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/


'Illegitimis non carborundum'

MrFozz

Marxista Fozzski

5,562
07 Oct 2014, 2:06 pm #34
(07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am)Andreos1 Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.

There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.

Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/

It is quite tasteless but it is funny...not sure a cafe should be putting stuff like that on receipts Big Grin
MrFozz
07 Oct 2014, 2:06 pm #34

(07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am)Andreos1 Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.

There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.

Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/

It is quite tasteless but it is funny...not sure a cafe should be putting stuff like that on receipts Big Grin

S813 FVK



6,030
12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm #35
Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:

There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!
S813 FVK
12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm #35

Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:

There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!

12 Oct 2014, 9:32 pm #36
(12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm)Robert Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:

There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!

How old are you again?
R852 PRG
12 Oct 2014, 9:32 pm #36

(12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm)Robert Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:

There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!

How old are you again?

MrFozz

Marxista Fozzski

5,562
12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm #37
Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper
MrFozz
12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm #37

Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper

13 Oct 2014, 3:02 pm #38
(12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm)marxistafozzski Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper

In Music last year we had to do some song that went 'Down the way where the knights are gay'. There was just no way I couldn't change it, so I had to for my own good....

'At the pier where the sailors are queer'

'In the tent where the campers are bent'
R852 PRG
13 Oct 2014, 3:02 pm #38

(12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm)marxistafozzski Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper

In Music last year we had to do some song that went 'Down the way where the knights are gay'. There was just no way I couldn't change it, so I had to for my own good....

'At the pier where the sailors are queer'

'In the tent where the campers are bent'

Michael



19,145
13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm #39
Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!


I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified

I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Edited 13 Oct 2014, 8:29 pm by Michael.

Ooo Friend, Bus Friend.
Michael
13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm #39

Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!


I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified

I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.


Ooo Friend, Bus Friend.

S813 FVK



6,030
13 Oct 2014, 8:34 pm #40
(13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm)Michael Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!


I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified

I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Whey man, those a perfectly good jokes and tbh, a few of them made me giggle slightly.
S813 FVK
13 Oct 2014, 8:34 pm #40

(13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm)Michael Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!


I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified

I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Whey man, those a perfectly good jokes and tbh, a few of them made me giggle slightly.

Pages (13): Previous 1 2 313 Next
 
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average