(07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am)Andreos1 wrote Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.

There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.

Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-prints-tasteless-oscar-pistorius-joke-on-its-receipts-4894181/

(12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm)Robert wrote Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:

There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core

Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto

There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!

(12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper

(13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm)Michael wrote Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!


I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified

I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

(13 Oct 2014, 8:34 pm)Robert wrote Whey man, those a perfectly good jokes and tbh, a few of them made me giggle slightly.

(13 Oct 2014, 8:37 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Went to the docs yesterday and he said 'I have some good news and bad news...The bad news is you have cancer', I said 'what is the good news then' the doctor said 'your going to save a few quid on haircuts'

(13 Oct 2014, 8:38 pm)Marcus wrote Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!

(13 Oct 2014, 8:38 pm)Marcus wrote Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!

(13 Oct 2014, 8:47 pm)Robert wrote Aww thats bad! Must admit, i like the Dr who version of the 'Knock Knock' joke. Great for confusing and winding people up!

(13 Oct 2014, 8:49 pm)Marcus wrote Aye, I heard a pretty shocking one today at school. As Ebola is a pretty serious issue at the minute, and nobody at school is really taking it seriously, I heard a group of Year 11s saying;

Why did the chicken cross the road
To avoid contracting Ebola

..........

(13 Oct 2014, 9:01 pm)Dan wrote The running 'joke' at my school (and others) is when a teacher asks why a student is absent when marking the register... The typical response is, "They've got Ebola."

(13 Oct 2014, 9:01 pm)Dan wrote The running 'joke' at my school (and others) is when a teacher asks why a student is absent when marking the register... The typical response is, "They've got Ebola."

(13 Oct 2014, 9:07 pm)Robert wrote Not so much of a problem in that sense for me. Its just people saying that their friends have Ebola and thinking the're cool by saying it - as nasty as this sounds, as soon as it gets over here, i want them to get it. Just to show them that it isn't a subject to make jokes about and it is actually quite devastating...

(13 Oct 2014, 9:07 pm)Robert wrote Not so much of a problem in that sense for me. Its just people saying that their friends have Ebola and thinking the're cool by saying it - as nasty as this sounds, as soon as it gets over here, i want them to get it. Just to show them that it isn't a subject to make jokes about and it is actually quite devastating...

(13 Oct 2014, 9:11 pm)Michael wrote I seen it on the news the other day, they showed a body being carried out and it was a 18 month year old baby.
Seems a few people over the USA have got it, it will get here but wont spread like in Africa.