Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*
Jokes *may contain bad language, bad jokes and bad taste*
A lad goes out on the town one night and meets this lass and has his wicked way with her , 2 weeks later she sees him stacking the washing powder shelves in a supermarket, she goes up to him and yells "you told me last week you were a stunt pilot" he replied no I did not I said I was a member of an Ariel display team
(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:
Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747
Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.
What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.
What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.
I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.
(06 Jul 2014, 7:45 pm)Adam I am renowned amongst my mates for telling the cringiest jokes, so here goes:
Crime in multi-story car parks.... it's wrong on so many levels.
What do you call a Jumbo Jet on a spring?
A Boing 747
Renewable energy.... I'm a big fan.
What do you call a Star Wars character that turned into a pirate?
Arr2-D2.
What does the vegetable priest say?
Lettuce pray.
I once saw an Italian actress covered in cushions. It was Sofa Loren.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Definition of Pain
Sliding down a 50' razor blade using your balls as brakes and landing in Iodine
Definition of Cheeky
Smashing someone's window, then go ask for your rock back
Definition of Posh
Walking into a pharmacy and asking for a pack of Rubber Jonathans
I love this one from Russell Howard...
Seeing Bernard Ingham's eyebrows and Bernard Manning earlier on in AdamY's BrassEye video got me thinking - so, seeing as it is Sunday:
I think I got mixed up between the Pizza Hut and Grindr apps earlier on. Either way, there is a 10" vegetarian on its way!
Last week I ordered a thin and crusty supreme - wasn't happy when Diana Ross knocked at the door!
Did you hear about the ice cream man, who was found dead on the floor of his van the other day? He was covered in chopped nuts, flake's, wafers, monkeys blood and chocolate sauce.
Police believe he topped himself!
Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.
There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.
Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/
(07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am)Andreos1 Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.
There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.
Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/
(07 Oct 2014, 11:48 am)Andreos1 Apparently David Cameron walked off stage to a standing ovation last week at the Tory Party Conference, whilst the Fleetwood Mac tune 'Don't stop', was playing in the background.
There isn't any official confirmation that he walked off to Fleetwood Mac's 'Tell me lies, sweet little lies' a few years previous, after telling the audience that the NHS would be safe in his hands.
Not sure this went down too well: http://metro.co.uk/2014/10/06/cafe-print...s-4894181/
Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:
There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core
Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto
There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!
(12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm)Robert Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:
There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core
Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto
There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!
(12 Oct 2014, 9:30 pm)Robert Just a few sexual rhymes i have collected:
There was once a girl from Jahore
Who'd lie on a rug on the floor
In a manner uncanny, she'd wiggle her fanny
And drain your balls dry to the core
Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Silver Buckles on his knee
When he comes back he'll fuck me
Pretty Bobby Shafto
There was an old man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin
If his ear was a cunt he could fuck it!
(12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm)marxistafozzski Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper
(12 Oct 2014, 9:34 pm)marxistafozzski Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack whipped out his big canary
Jill said 'wow, thats a whopper
Lets fuck off home
And do it proper
Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!
I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified
I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
(13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm)Michael Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!
I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified
I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
(13 Oct 2014, 8:28 pm)Michael Some iv'e picked up on...not really jokes but heyyyyy who cares!
I woke last night to find the Ghost of Gloria Gaynor stood at the foot of my bed. At first I was Afraid I was petrified
I've got a new job, crushing soft fizzy drink cans, it's soda pressing.
My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
Police are hunting a 'Knitting Needle Nutter', who stabbed six people in the backside recently, they believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.