The inventor of predictive text has died.
His funfair will be hello on Sundial.
Bad language alert
[spoiler]Bought my old lady a box of chocolates and a vibrator for her birthday, if she doesn't like the chocolates she can go and fuck herself[/spoiler]
(12 Nov 2014, 9:35 pm)Marcus wrote [ -> ]I think it's the laughs in the background that do it for me! 
The Teachers Reaction when the Lass says she'll be calling the Baby April Fools is what had me in Stitches.
Yeah, his reaction is great
There was a young lady named Stoya
Porn Sites were her Employer
If I had a Shot
With a girl half as Hot
Believe me, I would Destroyer
This lady is taking a Fist
Her butthole is up to the Wrist
If you asked me to State
My preferred sexual Fate
This wouldnt be top of my List
Some enjoy sex thats Vaginal
They think its groovy like Vinyl
But if there this Moany
It all seems so Phoney
And takes more piss than a Urinal
Did you hear about the dyslexic Vicar...
Sold his soul to santa
2 kids, Bono, Jimmy Savile and The Pope are on a plane that is crashing, only 2 parachutes, Bono says 'Let the kids have the chutes, they have there whole life ahead of them', the Pope says 'Fuck the Kids', Savile replies 'do we have time'
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonders wife before?
No?
He hasn't either
1.) My dad went into a chip shop and the girl behind the counter said 'can I batter your sausage?', so he said 'can I slap your fanny?'....9 months later I was born. #marcused *
2.) Poundland batteries last longer than Ian Beale's marriages.
3.) Speaking of that guy, he'd only been married a few minutes before he asked Jane for @n@l. Sadly, she was wearing a strap-on.
4.) I like my women how I like my party food buffet - cheap, and spread all over my kitchen table.
5.) Re: Bobby killing Lucy;
Mick Carter: leave it aaaa't, Bobby 'ad a dif'rent fackin' face 10 munfs ago when Lucy died.
* That didn't actually happen [emoji23].
(24 Feb 2015, 10:13 pm)MarcTheA4 wrote [ -> ]1.) My dad went into a chip shop and the girl behind the counter said 'can I batter your sausage?', so he said 'can I slap your fanny?'....9 months later I was born. #marcused *
2.) Poundland batteries last longer than Ian Beale's marriages.
3.) Speaking of that guy, he'd only been married a few minutes before he asked Jane for @n@l. Sadly, she was wearing a strap-on.
4.) I like my women how I like my party food buffet - cheap, and spread all over my kitchen table.
5.) Re: Bobby killing Lucy;
Mick Carter: leave it aaaa't, Bobby 'ad a dif'rent fackin' face 10 munfs ago when Lucy died.
* That didn't actually happen [emoji23].
You know people like to name there kids after the place they were concieved, I am pleased my mam and dad did not do that, I would have been called Back Alley Forster [FACE WITH TEARS OF JOY]
(24 Feb 2015, 10:18 pm)MrFozz wrote [ -> ]You know people like to name there kids after the place they were concieved, I am pleased my mam and dad did not do that, I would have been called Back Alley Forster [emoji23]
I would have been called Canteen Green! [emoji23]
(24 Feb 2015, 10:20 pm)MarcTheA4 wrote [ -> ]I would have been called Canteen Green! [emoji23]
At least it rhymes.
How do Mermaids give Birth?
They have a Sea Section
What do you call a Hungry Alien?
Nee T
Whats the definition of Posh?
Marcus going to a pharmacy and asking for Rubber Jonathans...
How do you shove 50 Ethiopians in a phonebox?
Throw a tin of beans in
How do you get the Ethiopians out again?
Tease them with a tin opener
(25 Feb 2015, 7:28 pm)MrFozz wrote [ -> ]Whats the definition of Posh?
Marcus going to a pharmacy and asking for Rubber Jonathans...
How do you shove 50 Ethiopians in a phonebox?
Throw a tin of beans in
How do you get the Ethiopians out again?
Tease them with a tin opener
Those Ethiopian jokes remind of one I read somewhere...(it's pretty offensive, so be warned everyone).
How do you swat 50 flies at once? Smack an Ethiopian in the face.
And 'Rubber Jonathan's?'.
(25 Feb 2015, 7:34 pm)MarcTheA4 wrote [ -> ]Those Ethiopian jokes remind of one I read somewhere...(it's pretty offensive, so be warned everyone).
How do you swat 50 flies at once? Smack an Ethiopian in the face.
And 'Rubber Jonathan's?'. [emoji14]
The thread title does say 'May be offensive and racist'
Kat Slater has had more balls in her mouth than the Hungry Hungry Hippos.
So Poundland say that their Kodak batteries last longer in Furbies...
... But Duracell say that Furbies recommend their batteries, as they last TEN times longer...
...we only know how to test them...
... A Furby Gangnam Style dance off!!!
Lee's terrible joke of the day............
What do you call a chicken with a loose foot? Foot loose
Where does David Cameron spend his summer? In his ConserviTORY
Where does Ed Milliband's wife spend summer? In Labour
(09 Mar 2015, 5:23 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]Lee's terrible joke of the day............
What do you call a chicken with a loose foot? Foot loose
Where does David Cameron spend his summer? In his ConserviTORY
Where does Ed Milliband's wife spend summer? In Labour
I heard that he spent all of the NHS cuts money on building that conservatory.
How do you get a fat girl into bed?
PIECE OF CAKE
Ordered a pizza last night...asked for a thin and crusty supreme...They sent me Diana Ross...
An old man goes to the doctors and says 'I am having trouble, in the bedroom department' doctor says 'how old are you sir' man says '81' doc says 'how old is your wife' man says '76...81, when did you realise you were having problems' old man said 'twice last night and once this morning'
Maths related joke of the day....
What did the mermaid wear to the party? An AlgeBRA [emoji23]
Right I think everyone should just back off and leave Gemma Collins alone.
She's got enough on her plate.
[emoji12]
(18 Mar 2015, 4:03 pm)MarcTheA4 wrote [ -> ]Right I think everyone should just back off and leave Gemma Collins alone.
She's got enough on her plate.
[emoji12]
How on earth did you find the name of my next door neighbour?
Here is some shitty jokes, I like an
"Doctor, Doctor, I've got a bit lettuce leaf hanging out my arse"..."That looks nasty"..."It is the tip of the Iceberg"
"Doctor, Doctor I only have 60 seconds to live"..."Can you wait a minute"
Who heard about the scrap on a bus...Some tickets got punched...How about the fight in a chippy...A Sausage and 2 fish got battered
They're pretty good Fozz [emoji23]
(18 Mar 2015, 7:35 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]They're pretty good Fozz [emoji23]
I am very easily amused mate,
While I like dirty, racist, sexist and sick jokes, I still like daft jokes
How do you get snooker table to laugh?
Tickle it's balls
How do you make a door laugh?
Touch it's knob
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out the knickers...
A bit more of an edgy joke...
Went to the doctors the other and he said 'Do you want the good news or bad news', I replied 'Give me the bad news doc', 'Well Mr Forster, you have cancer', I replied 'Fucking hell Doc, what is the good news, 'Well, you need not goto the barbers for a while, you'll save a few quid on haircuts'
That last one is quite edgy like! The others a great [emoji23]