Forgot to write a 'review' of my trip to London. Everything was absolutely fantastic, aside from on the Wednesday night, when we went to the Victoria Palace Theatre to watch Billy Elliot: The Musical.....

The show starts at 19:00, and we arrive at 18:15. Gives us the chance to get a sit down after navigating our way here on the tube. We go through to the bar, to find it is unattended, and with an old woman sitting by herself with a glass of red wine. We waited until they started letting people through, and we then head to our seats.

I survey the programme, and find that the boy playing Billy tonight is Ollie Jockim (or Jolly Fockim as I now call him). Then, this little voice comes on the mic and shatters our eardrums. I swear to god he sounded like he was 5 or 6. The opening scene starts, and I am absolutely disgusted at the awful interpretations of the North Eastern accent these actors provide. Literally, as a proud north eastener, I was quite offended at how they portrayed everything in a deep tone with an f-word in front of every single verb. Even the children, some of whom were only about 10/11/12, were using the most repundant language imaginable, for example.

Girl: Hew ya fuckin' queer, is it true ya ganna start ballay?
Billy Elliot: Naw hew, gay as fuck!
Girl: D'ya fuckin' fancy iz, or some-it?
Billy Elliot: Eh? What the fuck?
Girl: Would ya like to see me fanny?

That sort of dialogue went on throughout the entire show. Then at the end, the worst part came. They had like this massive dance where pretty much every castmember was on stage (even the extras who didn't speak a word). It got to the point that Jolly Fockim's smile with self-satisfaction was so unbearable - it was cringeworthy! Then once everybody clapped once, the father asked for another round of applause for the pianist, then another for all the theatre staff, then another for the extras, then another for the main cast - it was like being at a primary school class assembly!

Then, Jolly Fockim was chanted to do some random speech thing, and he just soaked up all the attention like a sponge! Then, the straw that broke the donkey's back came! While £50 per person wasn't already enough from 500 odd people in the audience to feed every single person involved - the father still asks us to remember that stage actors support themselves, and when work dries out, charities like Actors for Actors really do provide a backbone for them. Like charities such as Wateraid and Save the Children don't deserve an honorable mention!!

Never again.