Hope it is ok to post a thread that is sensitive, and hope people treat it with respect...

I was wondering if many people here are battling some form of mental health problems, I know there are autistic people kicking about here, but has many had to battle depression, I am not being nosy or anything, I just like knowing what makes people tick and I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder and normally very open and not afraid to talk about it...

So anyone else battling what I call cancer of the mind

(17 Apr 2014, 5:54 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Hope it is ok to post a thread that is sensitive, and hope people treat it with respect...

I was wondering if many people here are battling some form of mental health problems, I know there are autistic people kicking about here, but has many had to battle depression, I am not being nosy or anything, I just like knowing what makes people tick and I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder and normally very open and not afraid to talk about it...

So anyone else battling what I call cancer of the mind

Yeah, it is a sensitive issue. I don't suffer anything lie autism or ADHD, and don't really suffer depression too. However, I do have some issues with anxiety. Nothing major, but occasionally.

(17 Apr 2014, 6:02 pm)Tom wrote Yeah, it is a sensitive issue. I don't suffer anything lie autism or ADHD, and don't really suffer depression too. However, I do have some issues with anxiety. Nothing major, but occasionally.

I have been through a few phases since 1997, my issues nearly killed me in 1998, had a near nervous breakdown at 20 and in 2005, I went to my room the day my granddad died and came out a couple of times in 3 months, losing 3 stone in the process...some scary shit really...

(17 Apr 2014, 6:15 pm)marxistafozzski wrote I have been through a few phases since 1997, my issues nearly killed me in 1998, had a near nervous breakdown at 20 and in 2005, I went to my room the day my granddad died and came out a couple of times in 3 months, losing 3 stone in the process...some scary shit really...

Sounds awful for you, hope your better now.

(17 Apr 2014, 6:22 pm)Tom wrote Sounds awful for you, hope your better now.

Awful is an understatement mate, I have seen things that I would never ever wish on my worst enemy, I have watched a man kill himself when I was 16 at Kings X Tube, absolutely shocking way to mind fuck somebody, it affected me so bad that whenever I was up the smoke, I would get buses and never set foot in a Tube Station for years and never talked about till recently...Never was a talker, well if talking was aj Olympic Sport, I would be in the mix for Gold, lol, just dont like talking about myself.

I deal with it today and I find I am happiest when I out looking at buses(been an enthusiast since I could walk and talk...Would not be surprised if my first words were Leyland National or bus lol) or at a football match

(17 Apr 2014, 6:48 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Awful is an understatement mate, I have seen things that I would never ever wish on my worst enemy, I have watched a man kill himself when I was 16 at Kings X Tube, absolutely shocking way to mind fuck somebody, it affected me so bad that whenever I was up the smoke, I would get buses and never set foot in a Tube Station for years and never talked about till recently...Never was a talker, well if talking was aj Olympic Sport, I would be in the mix for Gold, lol, just dont like talking about myself.

I deal with it today and I find I am happiest when I out looking at buses(been an enthusiast since I could walk and talk...Would not be surprised if my first words were Leyland National or bus lol) or at a football match

For someone who suffers with anxiety, that would be horrendous seeing someone kill themseleves. I sometimes worry about someone bombing the tube, a stupid thought, I know, but I do. I feel much more comfortable on the bus, as opposed to the metro/tube.

I've been a bus enthusiast for as long as I can remember too

(17 Apr 2014, 6:51 pm)Tom wrote For someone who suffers with anxiety, that would be horrendous seeing someone kill themseleves. I sometimes worry about someone bombing the tube, a stupid thought, I know, but I do. I feel much more comfortable on the bus, as opposed to the metro/tube.

I've been a bus enthusiast for as long as I can remember too

Not stupid, it is a very real threat, we must never forget 7/7/05 and Madrid, I feel a bit racist sometimes as I find myself nervous if I see what maybe a muslim with bulky clothes and/or backpacks, I am not struck on Burqa or Hijab(whatever it is called) again a bit racism there I guess, but I often wonder what would be said if I walked round Newcastle with a Ski Mask on, I would be pulled on the grounds I am dressed to commit armed robbery lol

(17 Apr 2014, 6:59 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Not stupid, it is a very real threat, we must never forget 7/7/05 and Madrid, I feel a bit racist sometimes as I find myself nervous if I see what maybe a muslim with bulky clothes and/or backpacks, I am not struck on Burqa or Hijab(whatever it is called) again a bit racism there I guess, but I often wonder what would be said if I walked round Newcastle with a Ski Mask on, I would be pulled on the grounds I am dressed to commit armed robbery lol

That's why I don't feel comfortable on the tube, so I use buses, even though they take longer. I do agree with your last comment.

(17 Apr 2014, 5:54 pm)marxistafozzski wrote Hope it is ok to post a thread that is sensitive, and hope people treat it with respect...

I was wondering if many people here are battling some form of mental health problems, I know there are autistic people kicking about here, but has many had to battle depression, I am not being nosy or anything, I just like knowing what makes people tick and I am diagnosed with Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder and normally very open and not afraid to talk about it...

So anyone else battling what I call cancer of the mind

Good on you for talking about what some might see as a taboo subject.

Hands up - suffered a bit from depression and ptsd.
Although it didn't involve a train, I have had someone die in front of me and it isn't nice at all.
That coupled with other stresses, have taken their toll and it what was whilst having a bit of a bad run last year, that I found this site.

The one thing I have found (both about depression and ptsd), is that not many people want to talk or listen, despite them wanting to help.

These days, I am up and down.
One day I can be fine, the next day I struggle to get out of bed - which as a Dad and having a family with all the responsibilities it brings, can be frustrating.

Like everyone, we have just got to keep on plodding on and make the best of everything we have got.
There is always someone worse off and no matter how tough things are, we have a lot of things and people around us, that others don't.

Onwards and upwards.

I find men aren't open about it as much, in my case, when I was a bit younger, I used to think it was a weakness to talk about it, that I was less of a man for doing so, and I bet lots of fellas feel like that...

These days, while I like to remain private about some things, I am a lot more open, if I put it out there, I can learn from other people who are in the same boat as me, and I like to think people would take notice of what I say

I have been there, seen it, been in the depths of hell and at deaths door and had to fight for my life, 30 more minutes back in '98 and I could have become nothing more than a tragic memory, Paramedics and Doctors raced against the clock to save my life, without going too much into my background, I was in care at the time, I took some pills I found at my mams, collapsed, took to Sunderland Royal, where I had a massive seizure, add to the fact I was fighting with the medical staff and it took a load of security, police and doctors to keep me pinned as the decision to put me in a medically induced coma was the only way to calm me down, the doctor was that concerned he did not know how to treat and he apparantly had to phone up a top paediatrician at G.O.S.H as apparantly they had not encountered an adolescent who was fitting and fighting so violently before, I ended up in ICU for a day or two, scary shit, I came close to getting my wish at the time, and I am adamant to this day it was divine intervention, and it has led me on a path to christianity, to the point where I became a born-again christian 6 months ago.

I can deal with it now, but it has affected my life massively, I always wanted to be a dad, but I would not let myself get close to girls to even have a go at what it takes to become a daddy, lol, because I was always scared that 1. My kids would turn out like me and 2. I am scared I will turn into my own birth dad, who is a fucking arsehole btw, excuse the language...

But with the bad, comes the good, while I have no confidence or self esteem, I had some great times as a teenager, got involved with a youth group for kids in care and through that I have been to Rep. Ireland 3 times, been all over the country to seminars and Conferences(Liverpool, York, Chester, London, Manchester, Hull, Bridlington, Sheffield) got involved in an international exchange with a group of Irish lads and an Russian ex-pat group from Germany, I also give speeches, delivered presentations, helped run workshops at the conferences, been up on stage at Stanley for its panto one year in front of a sellout, the home where I lived, whenever we had special guests i.e councillors, foreign delegations and even one government minister, I was always the one to give a guided tour of my home ...As for the youth group, a management committee was formed in 1999, in 2000 I became the youngest member of the committee at 18 and in 2006 I became the youngest officer on the committee being elected vice chair at the age of 24, a position I held unopposed for 4 years when we lost our funding in 2010...So yeah, with the bad, there is some good, I am living proof of that, I got a good education, I studied at the Kindergarten of getting the shit kicked out of me, the school of hard knocks and still studying at the Uni of Life...correct me if Im wrong, was it Blackadder that said that lol...

So why am I happy to bring this up so publically, well, I would like to think that if someone here was having trouble, feeling down or whatever then they could say 'look at David, if he can pull through, so can I'

I may have to ressurect the idea for Blozzs Fog if people find me interesting enough, the name came about when I tried to tell my mams mate about it, I was pissed as a fart and could not get my tongue round the words Fozzs Blog, so the idea has been Blozzs Fog ever since...

#essayover

You are a braver man than me.

I'll admit to having had difficulties, but some of my closest mates are totally oblivious to anything happening.

(17 Apr 2014, 10:03 pm)Andreos Constantopolous wrote You are a braver man than me.

I'll admit to having had difficulties, but some of my closest mates are totally oblivious to anything happening.

Yeah, I know what you mean mate, not exactly a conversation you have over a pint 'well lads, been a bit depressed, my emotions are all over the place' etc...

I look at it like this...

Back in the day, I used to have a firm boundary set, a guard which would rarely drop, it was called Mr Fozz's Emotional Berlin Wall, it was not there to particularly stop people trying to get in, but I would kill to stop stuff escaping the barrier, if that makes sense...

I also look at it like this

Life is like a boxing match, I am in the 12th round, I am getting better, so all I have to do is reach deep to deliver the knockout punch, I have been on my arse plenty through the rounds, but somehow found strength to get to my feet...

I have depression and get paranoid but I have to try get though life

(22 Jul 2014, 9:50 pm)col87 wrote I have depression and get paranoid but I have to try get though life

That's the best way, plod on, I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 13, I am in my 30's now and was eventually diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder when I was 27...I just do what I got to do to survive