Who was the last person over 13st to ride a Derby Winner?
Lester Piggots Cell Mate

How can you tell which Clan a Scotsman is from?
Stick your hand up his kilt and if you feel a quarter pounder...He's a McDonald

So, Sepp Blatter is sentenced to prison, on his first day inside, he is been shown around and eventually he is introduced to his cell mate, a big stocky bloke, about 6'6 and 20 stone, absolutely huge, Sepp is a bit worried, the cellmate said 'it's quite simple, you can be the mammy or the daddy, it is your choice', Sepp thought for a while and thinking he has got of lightly says 'Ok, I will be the daddy' to which his cellmate replies 'Ok then, come over here and suck your mammys cock'