Look, I'm sorry to anyone who seems to have gotten the impression I am a snob. I can assure you, I don't intend to be. The point I am trying to make, and seemingly failing to do so; is that I have no control over what happens in school - I would never want to for anyone else - but just for myself. I believe 'drive your own destiny' is the phrase that I'm thinking of. 

Basically, I don't know how many times I've tried to say this, my tutor group has 24 people in it - 4 of whom are girls, exceptional girls. They are horrible, nasty, vile, slutty girls who frighten other people into keeping their lips sealed. When, all we want to do, is get on with our education, for all it's worth. We sit there with our heads in our hands while they sit at the back of the classroom shouting abuse at each and every one of us if we do something they disagree with. The teachers...what can they do?! There's 1 teacher - 4 of them. And 20 of us, who simply don't want to get involved. Nobody dares challenge their authority. If I unloaded everything that has been built up over the course of 3 years - I would probably be stabbed by some of the hard boys in their group in Chester-le-Street.

They sit there in their seats doing barely any work, and disrupt throughout nearly every lesson, even in tests for crying out loud... One throws a pen at another at the bottom of the classroom and they laugh like they're going to choke themselves to death. This can happen several times in a lesson, and take up valuable time. There is rebelling, then there is what these girls do. Many a time someone has decided to turn around and quietly ask them to let them get on with their work and stop talking over the top of teachers - they tend to get 'shut up and jump in front of a bus' or 'ya knar that railway station up there, how about you go and chuck yaself on the tracks' but mainly 'shut up and go f*** yourself'. 

I look forward to subjects like English and Maths, where they aren't within eyesight. Because if they were, I would never get a break. I have subjects like RE, where 'everyone can get involved and voice their opinion'...that is taken advantage of. History - whenever we've watched videos of concentration camps - sometimes ones where people are being executed in fields, etc, - 'sir, where's Hitler in this?' (then 2 minutes of uncontrollable laughing...).

I understand some older members may have experienced similar things during their school lives to what it seems I endure day in day out, and that you may have gained the impression I am a snob. I can assure you, I don't want you to think this. Everything that goes on in school - these people disrupting lessons, the girl who I like but doesn't like me - it has led to very little self-confidence. That might seem hard to believe, considering some of my previous posts, but I am a very sensitive person and I can get very sad at times, occasionally depressed. It sounds stupid, some may find it offensive who've been through it, but sometimes I sit and stare into nothing at times wondering whether all my problems at school will ever be resolved. There are a few other things, which I would rather not discuss on a public forum, that make me a miserable bastard who loves to point out flaws in things and people. Sometimes, all I have to go on is that I have a loving family and a lovely home. I have plenty of friends, one or two teachers who care about the kids they teach, but in reality all I would like is this girl I have mentioned before to like me back, all the terrible people and teachers in my school to go elsewhere and just to enjoy my life.

I have this 'problem' where I can't back myself up or think of reasonable arguments to defend myself - that lead to me using the arguments I have used above. What I'm trying to say is, I lead a pretty 50/50 life. On a typical Thursday morning I wake up thinking 'oh, only two days left until the weekend, but I'll still have to endure the horrors of school', then on the day of the Metrocentre Rally I feel so happy and want to live life to the full...

Basically, I apologize for coming across as rude, snobby, and generally believing I am better than everyone else. Sometimes I just don't know what to do about my sad life, and I guess the fact that I have a privileged background keeps me going. And I know that's not a reason to shove it down your throats. 

Marcus