Couple of War Poems by Pvt. S Baldrick

Here the words I sing
Wars a horrid thing
So I sing, sing, sing
Ding-a-ling-a-ling

The German Guns

BOOM, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM

EDIT: Moved from Anything and Everything to Jokes

Saw the following in the Co-op earlier when I saw this and took a picture...



Mr Brains 4 Faggots

Is this a new thing for our homosexual brothers

I am too easily amused

A body found by a dog walker in a wooded area in Oxford is thought to be the man suspected of killing his sister, his mother and her partner.

Police have released a statement saying, "The search has now been called off and we've lost our overtime, thanks to a nosey cunt."

BBC News....Elderly People Being Driven to Food Banks.

They should use their buses passes, they get them for fuck all too...

Don't forget to tune into RTE Ireland's new game show tonight

Mr & Mr

Women love it if you can last an hour without Cummin'

Unless your having a wank on a bus

----------------------------------------

I have an interview for a prison this week..


Or a 'Trial' as the prosecution is calling it

I mustache you a question but i think i'll shave it for later.

I decided to sell my hoover yesterday. All it was doing was gathering dust.

Not sure whether i have (or somebody else has) posted this before but:

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A footballer played 1 game in his career and never played again, what you call him? Lazy

Sorry for poor joke

Bloke phones his work up pulling a sick, his boss asked just how sick was he...The guy said 'I'm having a threesome with my little and a Jack Russell

Loads of people about threesomes and how good they are...I am not sure on that...

Last time I had a threesome I fucked a Schizophrenic

I was in the bank earlier and an elderly woman asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

My mother told me this:
What do you call a plastic bag with aids? A prostitute

How do you satisfy 4 whores in a pub?
Turn a stool over

Another blue one for the Dads.

I am in the doghouse with the wife again.

Last night, when she was fast asleep - I quietly sneaked over and carefully removed her tampax. I replaced it with a party pooper - leaving a little bit of the string hanging out.

I am telling you, that woman has no sense of humour at all!

Lifted from a mates twitter

How do you make a Sausage Roll?

Push it down a hill.

Not in Mother Goose rhymes
Y stands for Yanker.
The self-driving chap,
He greases his pole and
Provokes his own sap.

Absolved of the need of
A quarrelsome wife,
He humps himself nightly
And lives a great life.

Can't ever remember posting this one:

There was once a lady from France
Who took a long train ride by chance.
The engineer fucked her before the conductor
While the fireman came in his pants.

What's the capital of England? E
If a black house is black, an orange house is orange, what color is a green house? See through

Apologies for poor jokes

(22 Jun 2015, 2:10 pm)Davie wrote What's the capital of England?  E
If a black house is black, an orange house is orange, what color is a green house? See through

Apologies for poor jokes

Why do you feel the need to put this?

(23 Jun 2015, 6:09 pm)LeeCalder wrote Why do you feel the need to put this?

Picking up on poor jokes now, when there is a thread full of them

(12 Jun 2015, 11:46 am)Davie wrote A footballer played 1 game in his career and never played again, what you call him?

Abou Diaby?

Paddy and Mick walking along a road, Paddy falls over and says 'Mick, am hurt, call me an ambulance' Mick said 'Paddy...your an ambulance'

East 17 recently did a gig where only 30 people turned up, I imagine they were pushing it when they asked the crowd "won't you stay another day"

2 mates are walking up a street and one is carrying a game of scrabble, but he drops it and his mate says What's the word on the street?

(13 Jul 2015, 10:51 am)Adam wrote The Eurozone finally strikes a €86bn rescue bailout deal for Greece.

Hopefully Mr Tsipras will now be able to afford a tie to accompany his suit.

In all seriousness doesn't thay make the recent referendum a joke, with the economic reforms the EU will want Greece to undertake, meaning more austerity when he was seemed to be campaigning against that

(13 Jul 2015, 11:50 am)Adam wrote It does, yes.

It was too hastily arranged. The actual question on the paper was too "waffley", so it was pretty difficult for people to understand, but there was still an overwhelming 'no', contradictory to what all the pollsters were saying about it being 50:50.

It's now at the stage when Greece are having to do things they said they weren't, as you say: reforming pensions, privatising what's left of state assets, increasing tax etc etc. However, all of this still needs to be passed through the Greek parliament. Whether it will or not is a different matter, and is bound to have a serious debate and possibly a backlash against it.

The EU seem pretty happy with the deal, with Juncker saying "In this compromise, there are no winners and no losers". However, in my view, it's almost as if the Greeks have surrendered. They fought a hard war, but the pressure and arguably "bullying tactics" of the Eurozne won, leading the white flag to be waved.

It has made me wonder if Yanis Varoufakis saw exactly this coming when he resigned...

I actually thought this referendum was going to be an in/out referendum to be honest, I always got the idea that Tsipras and Varoufakis wanted out of the EU and simply came up with all this to get a mandate on a breakaway from the EU

(13 Jul 2015, 12:06 pm)Adam wrote There may be more to Varoufakis' resignation. If I recall correctly, his reasoning was so that the country had a better chance of securing a deal, but conflicting reports suggested Tsipras effectively 'sacked' him. It may have been for the same reason.

It was always stressed by the Greek government that their referendum wasn't an 'in/out' vote, even though some suggested a 'no' vote would result in the 'Grexit'.

Guess I was thinking what lots of other were thinking 'NO' meant Grexit...

If I remember correct did Varoufakis himself say something like 'Greece would be in a better place to negotiate if he wasn't there' as he wasn't much liked in Brussels or something like that?

(13 Jul 2015, 12:18 pm)Adam wrote aye, that rings a bell.

He's some bloke like though. He looks a bit like Voldemort and he rocked up at Downing Street once wearing a leather jacket and jeans.

Aye, lol, they don't look government types, Tsipras doesn't look much older than me, and Varoufakis happy to pound the roads in Athens on his motorbike, could you imagine Cameron or Osborne tearing down Whitehall on a Moped :