North East Buses

(09 Mar 2015, 5:23 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]Lee's terrible joke of the day............

What do you call a chicken with a loose foot?          Foot loose

Where does David Cameron spend his summer?    In his ConserviTORY

Where does Ed Milliband's wife spend summer?     In Labour

I heard that he spent all of the NHS cuts money on building that conservatory.

How do you get a fat girl into bed?

PIECE OF CAKE

Ordered a pizza last night...asked for a thin and crusty supreme...They sent me Diana Ross...

An old man goes to the doctors and says 'I am having trouble, in the bedroom department' doctor says 'how old are you sir' man says '81' doc says 'how old is your wife' man says '76...81, when did you realise you were having problems' old man said 'twice last night and once this morning'

Maths related joke of the day....

What did the mermaid wear to the party? An AlgeBRA

Right I think everyone should just back off and leave Gemma Collins alone.

She's got enough on her plate.

(18 Mar 2015, 4:03 pm)MarcTheA4 wrote [ -> ]Right I think everyone should just back off and leave Gemma Collins alone.

She's got enough on her plate.

How on earth did you find the name of my next door neighbour?

Here is some shitty jokes, I like an

"Doctor, Doctor, I've got a bit lettuce leaf hanging out my arse"..."That looks nasty"..."It is the tip of the Iceberg"

"Doctor, Doctor I only have 60 seconds to live"..."Can you wait a minute"

Who heard about the scrap on a bus...Some tickets got punched...How about the fight in a chippy...A Sausage and 2 fish got battered

They're pretty good Fozz

(18 Mar 2015, 7:35 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]They're pretty good Fozz

I am very easily amused mate,

While I like dirty, racist, sexist and sick jokes, I still like daft jokes

How do you get snooker table to laugh?
Tickle it's balls

How do you make a door laugh?
Touch it's knob

Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out the knickers...

A bit more of an edgy joke...

Went to the doctors the other and he said 'Do you want the good news or bad news', I replied 'Give me the bad news doc', 'Well Mr Forster, you have cancer', I replied 'Fucking hell Doc, what is the good news, 'Well, you need not goto the barbers for a while, you'll save a few quid on haircuts'

That last one is quite edgy like! The others a great

(18 Mar 2015, 8:01 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]That last one is quite edgy like! The others a great

Got more edgy jokes...

WARNING:

The following jokes may be deeply offensive to people, I am wrapping them in a spoiler tags*...If easily offended, I ask that you just overlook it and jog on to the next one...I have had a little discussion with Dan before I posted this...Some words will be self-censored though)

*Spoiler tags do not seem to work on the Desktop Version of the site...So once again overlook it if your going to be offended

Scroll Down for the more edgier jokes...

Just for you Lee

Nigel Farage has made a statement about not doing so well in local elections in Lewisham. He has publically apologised to Lewisham's entire white community...A fella called Cyril

















































[spoiler]How do you stop a black baby crying?
Lick it's lips and stick it to the window[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Why do p**** have a red spot on there head?
Target Practice[/spoiler]
[spoiler]What do you do if you see a p*** with half a face?
Stop and reload[/spoiler]
[spoiler]What was the last thing Princess Dianas chauffeur said?
1 more drink, drive home and hit the pillar[/spoiler]
[spoiler]I wish people would stop criticising Jimmy Savile...When I was 8 he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded [/spoiler]
[spoiler]Short of cash...Don't worry, tell the authorities Jimmy Savile fucked you when you were 14[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church...The Priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession [/spoiler]
[spoiler]Jimmy Savile's £4m estate jas been frozen by the bank, in anticipation of damages claims from the victims of his sexual assaults...All things considered, it should work out at about 50p each[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Susan Boyle has returned her Jim'll Fix it badge out of total disgust at the way she was treated by him after appearing in his show...He never laid a hand on her[/spoiler]
[spoiler]What's the difference between Eden Hazard and Jimmy Savile?
One beats ball boys, the other beats boys balls [/spoiler]
[spoiler]Jimmy Savile fucked me when I was a kid, but the last laugh is on me, I grew up to be a necrophiliac[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Michael Jackson, the Pope and a bunch of kids are on a plane. Suddenly the plane becomes out of control and is on course to crash. 
"Here, there are 2 parachutes." said the Pope. 
"What about the kids?" replied Jacko. 
"Fuck the kids." said the Pope. 
To this, Jacko said, "We haven't got enough time."[/spoiler]

Thats enough for now

They're great haha, love the Farage one......

Can I post a racist joke I found on Google? Or will I get banned Unlike everyone else that would?

(18 Mar 2015, 10:37 pm)leestransportphotos wrote [ -> ]Can I post a racist joke I found on Google? Or will I get banned Unlike everyone else that would?

I just posted about 12 offensive jokes...

I would advise you do it the same way I did...Issue a warning and press enter 50 times so that they quite a way down the page and wrap spoiler tags round them

OFFENSIVE JOKE FURTHER DOWN, IF EASILY OFFENDED DO NOT READ IT






















































Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
AndrewLike81522144Social Media

It's not very funny, but
There's 3 lads in a classroom, One is called Willie, one is called Zip and the other one is called pee. The teacher leaves the room so the three lads play Hide and seek, zip goes on top of the wardrobe, willie hides in the wardrobe and pee hides around the corner. The teacher comes back in ans says "Zip down down willie out pee in the corner"

So, a few years ago, my school entered a sandcastle competition at Tynemouth Longsands.

We made the Angel of the North.

That celebrity from Boldon (what's her name?) was doing the medals.

A school had came first - for building a knob from a door at Durham Cathedral.

As they won, the sandcastle had to be destroyed anyway. So I sat on it.

















































Did you get it? Sit on the knob??? @n@l

Anyone want a great joke? Look at Newcastle United vs Arsenal on Saturday you'll all get a good laugh

What do Go North East Riverside depot do for their allocations? Pick a fleet number and then service out of different hats

A Radio Station runs a competition called guess the name, a blonde phones in and the presenter says 'what was the first name of Germanys wartime dictator Hitler', the woman thinks about it, after a few minutes of thinking the presenter says 'going to have to push you for an answer' the woman says 'it is on the tip of my tongue, the presenter say's 'look I will play and you ask someone or look up tbe answer', 3 minutes later, the song has finished and the presenter says 'I will repeat the question again, what was the first name of Germanys wartime dictator Hitler'... The blonde says 'I know it now.....It was Heil'